Hey everyone, it’s been a minute since I wrote a post. A lot of changes have happened in the past few months and I’ve finally caught everything up to be able to take the time to write. I decided my first post back will be a life update.
I’ve been doing some self-reflection lately and I discovered how I allowed myself to undergo so much unhappiness. As much as I can try to blame the situation, the realization hits that it was my choice to live in that unhappiness. I always had the ability to rid myself of it. However, it took me a long time to do so. I asked myself over and over again “Why did I do this to myself?” The only reasoning I could come up with is that I had “hope” that things would change. That things would get better if I just trudge through the sludge of disappointment.
A mere 6 months ago, I was an entirely different person. I was depressed. I was anxious. I struggled getting out of bed every morning. I was going through the motions and taking every hit that came with that day. I couldn’t shake my negativity because I was surrounded by it. I was drowning and expecting someone to save me. That’s where I went wrong. I was waiting for that moment that changed everything. That knight in shining armor. That winning lottery ticket. Something that would change my life forever. I was ignorant to the sheer fact that it was me that needed to be that change.
The first change and perhaps the hardest was my career change. I spent 4.5 years and gained quite a bit of debt to earn my Bachelors of Social Work. I was excited that I landed a job right after finishing college and appreciate the experience. However, I was burnt out towards the end. I felt the pain of scraping by after paying back my loans and bills every month. I was barely making it. I remember waking up every morning and wondering if this is really what life is. That’s when an opportunity fell in my lap. A job in automotive sales became open. I worked sales before but never dealt with cars. Honestly, I didn’t know a single thing about cars. I applied, interviewed, and landed the job in a matter of a week. To this day I remember the internal turmoil I put myself through. Do I really go away from my degree and what I spent the last few years of my life on to something completely different? Something that didn’t need a degree or the skills I developed over the years.
It was one of the best decisions of my life. I wholeheartedly love my job. The excitement and satisfaction I receive when helping my customers can never be replaced. My coworkers and bosses are all extremely helpful and encouraging. They empower me and push me to reach my potential. I am constantly learning new things that challenge me every day. It’s also a bonus to be financially stable.
Changing career paths was just the beginning. My work life improved greatly but I still had forces that still dragged me down. After a very long talk with a very close friend, I gained the confidence to make more major changes in my life. I left a life I lived for 6 years and moved on to something greater both mentally and physically. I’m not going to lie. It was painful. I cried and physically felt sick. I wanted to break and give in to make the hurt stop. It was during the darkest time when I realized the amount of amazing people I have in my life. Friends and family both came through to dry my tears and lift me up. I felt loved and was able to gain control. Something I felt I never had before.
Each day, I made the effort to better my life. I got rid of the toxic people and situations in my life. I started going to church again and replanted my beliefs. I started working out and eating healthier on a regular basis. I mended broken friendships and learned to ask for forgiveness rather than holding onto petty grudges. The little things that used to ruin my whole day became nonexistent. I was able to go on vacations and try new experiences. I made new relationships and improved others that surrounded me with bounds of positivity and happiness. I became confident with my physical appearance and learned to love myself. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I got rid of my old life and was reborn into a something I only dreamed about. I found happiness. It wasn’t easy. It came with a price but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
In reading this I hope you are able to get the message that took me years to understand. You do have control over [most] of your situations. The change is unknown and scary but it can open new doors that would otherwise not be available. This is the only life that you get so why live in unhappiness and turmoil? Why not live your life to its fullest? There are very few answers that excuse you from making that change. You have to take that leap.
Thank you for reading!
-JessTags: anxiety, blogger, change, depression, happiness, life, lifestyle, unhappiness, update