I have had lots of people tell me “Fuck being perfect!” That may be true but that’s a harder obstacle to overcome than what one may think. You could have a wonderful day but that little voice in the back of your head can bring you down in an instant just by pointing out the one thing that may have been less than charming. That insignificant thing could be something you said wrong or an unnoticeable mistake at work. However, that little voice makes that insignificant thing seem so giant and heavy. The little voice can make you feel like you’re a failure, or that you’re nothing.
I won’t say I’m not guilty of it. I place that unnecessary stress on myself too. I became overwhelmed and drowned in my own negativity until I had a breakdown. The coping mechanisms that I normally use could not touch what I was feeling at the moment. I reached out to one of my wisest and closest friend for a hand with climbing out of the mental hole I put myself in. She told me that “if you live by a clock and what others find to be success then you will never feel true success in your own heart”. Wow this hit me like a ton of bricks.
You will face expectations in every stage of your life. The early 20s there are the expectations to earn a degree, land a career, get married, have children, and lots of other things that you have to be the best in. Although some of these goals aren’t even on a 5 year plan for half of us in our 20s. So why do we place so much pressure on ourselves that these are needed to be happy? We are the main characters in our life. We have an entire life to live and not by some standard that fits every cookie cutter idea of being happy.
As cheesy as it goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” The same goes for combating against these feelings of being the perfect everything. You can only do what you are capable of. It’s okay that you didn’t get the best grade on that test, or say the right thing to that customer. We are only human. We are allowed to make mistakes.
It’s also okay to sit and feel these wounds. Something I had to hear from my friend to understand. That little voice inside my head kept telling me to pull my shit together and keep going. I haven’t allowed myself to feel the sadness, the anger, the frustration that was settling in my heart. I kept placing fingers in the holes of my sinking boat and not realizing that the water was still coming in. I was still sinking because I didn’t allow myself to just face the inevitable.
Will I ever be the perfect worker/daughter/lover/friend/blogger? No. But that’s okay. I will experience life with living each day to its fullest. 2018 is just starting so why let the little bumps block the way of having an amazing year.
I hope you have a wonderful Thursday, reader.
Till Next Time,